Reinventing yourself

I was supposed to go hiking today. I didn’t. My friends and I made our way out to the site but miles before we got there we were discussing the weather. It was raining, foggy, and generally a recipe for a bad time on the trail. In lieu of suffering through that we went to the movies and then to lunch. Generally a good time. These particular friends are a married couple. The husband is a friend of mine from high school and has seen me in all manner of ridiculous states. As such when we hang out eventually my brain drifts to the past. Where we’ve been and where we’re going.

After our late lunch they dropped me off at home. I immediately started thinking about how to get my exercise for the day and decided to walk to a Barnes & Noble some five miles away. My boss was kind enough to get me a $50 gift certificate for my one year anniversary at the job (Thanks Nancy!). It was a wonderful, long, leisurely walk.

I got there wondered around for a long time trying to figure out what to get. I ended up with two albums and one book. Both albums are cover albums. One is a tribute to a now departed artist (Elliot Smith) and the other covers/remixes of a still active band (Stars) who is well connected within their music scene. It’s interesting to hear what creative choices people make with other people’s work. Songs like many things have an essence of their own.

I was thinking about the creative process and personal change on my way home when I came across a wonderful concert at the Eritrean restaurant around the corner from my house. The woman standing out front invited me in. Suddenly there I was, listening to east African music, dancing, and having a good time.  Loving where I live!

At one point my racist suburban fear would’ve kept me from even coming into the neighborhood I live in, let alone live here. A lot of friendly faces, long conversations, and introspection have helped to deprogram the malignant ignorance that pervaded much of my view for so long. I consider that progress.

Often I hear people speak from ignorance. It’s painful. Even more so when it’s willful. The unwillingness to learn is something so confounding to me that I can only guess at it’s roots. Here is one of those guesses. Maintaining comfort is top priority for people who have it. It’s easier to do the wrong thing comfortably than right thing painfuly. Changing a point a view can be pretty painful.

One of the most profound shifts in my life this was when I fiirst began questioning my faith. I was young and quite suddenly found myself in the awkward position of knowing all these people who were going to hell for being sinners. I couldn’t make sense of it. I spent a few years writing people off. Clearly they were going to hell and there was no point to knowing them. But then it was my friends. That was a little harder to justify. Eventually I broke down. I couldn’t reconcile my beliefs with the reality I was living. A great many people who were good and honest people didn’t go to church. Not only that they didn’t seem to believe in much (spiritually at least). I found accord once my beliefs were reconciled with reality, by discarding those that I couldn’t justify. When I took my experience as valid data suddenly things changed. My experience was enough to guide me. I didn’t need to rely on someone elses interpretation. That isn’t to say I didn’t seek guidance but a good teacher sets you on the path, you make the journey. Thus, I was able to keep my friends and go into the world a little less judgemental.

For me this is the importance of participating in society, of talking to people who aren’t like you. This is how I find out my soft spots, where I’m ignorant. When I feel myself getting really indignant I know I’ve hit a gold mine.

But what of it? Much like the songs I’m listening to now the themes my life maybe the same but the tune is different. Go out for walk, do something that scares you, most importantly admit that everything you think my be wrong.